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Das Bild stellt den Traum mit der Schlange und dem Licht dar

Have you ever experienced the primal scream?

You still don't believe in yourself? Discover religion!

You are forgetting your loneliness by surfing for porno? Go to a
Buddhist temple!

The destruction of dualism is the only way to achieve immortality

The exact time of the end of the world

Progress = regression The Bible versus science

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Who will be the first
to destroy dualism?

Life and death necessitate each other. We live in a dualistic world with dualism being the basis of philosophy and religion. The bible is the original source about the creation of dualism, with the story of Adam and Eve distinguishing between good and bad.
Is there any life after death, or did we simply exist before birth? We are just feeding our brain with senseless questions, because our thinking takes place in a dualistic system. We will find the same result if we question the existence of God, because if the answer is yes, then no must also exist.
God transcends duality. Jesus and Buddha are teaching the way of the destruction of dualism in order to enter the paradise. Thus, contradictions in the bible are not really contradictions. The important point is the understanding of the heart.

In my life the primal scream and my dreams were the keys to understanding. The "self" is the center. If I understand myself, I understand my parents and grand-parents. And if I believe in myself, I can believe in my father, Jesus, Buddha, and God. I am the way, the truth, and the life. This sentence from Jesus is really true. The "self" is one's own heart and conscience. The stronger the "self" gets, the more it will disappear. When the "self" no longer exists there is nothing left to die. We call this immortality. Immortality is the the destruction of dualism with no difference between "I" and the "other", good and bad, and life and death.

He who first succeeds in destroying dualism will become the next Jesus or Buddha. I am sure the arrival of such an event could be as cruel as a nuclear war. The first time Jesus Christ wanted to save people; his second coming will be the opposite - one of revenge.
In a dream I saw the exact time of the end of the world and of the apocalypse.

The Primal Scream

My new life started with the primal scream. When I called my father and mother for the first time, I felt like a baby. My breath fell into my stomach. It was a rebirth and I was finding myself.
I repeated the primal scream so often until there was no reaction any more. At the beginning I recognized: I am a man and the female part of me must die.

»This book discusses the discovery of the primal scream - it is a cry that can change psychology in previously unsuspected ways. During a therapeutic appointment, a student told me about an actor in London who played the role of a baby who constantly cried for its mother and father until it threw up at the end of its appearance. During his number, plastic bags were distributed and the audience was requested to follow his example.
This fascinated the student so much that I got the idea to ask him to try it out. At first he refused, but as I insisted, he began calling for his mother and father. Suddenly he screamed loudly and shrilly as if he were in a hypnotic state. At the same time he crumpled up on the floor; a spasm went through his entire body. Finally he emitted a loud, piercing scream, such that I have never heard in my entire experience as a psychotherapist. The cry shooked the walls of my office.
The whole thing lasted only a few minutes and all he could tell me was that he did it. What he did, he couldn't describe. He only said that he can now feel.«

When I just read the introduction of Arthur Janov's book about the primal scream the idea came to me that I should try it also. I was a little nervous, but I calmed myself down by telling myself that it cannot be much worse than the dream I had before.
I laid down on the bed and started to call for my father and mother, at first softly, then somewhat more courageously "Daddy! Mommy!" and again "Daddy! Mommy!". Then suddenly it was as if the screaming automatically came out of me, so forcefully that I couldn't control myself: "Daddy! Mommy!" At the same time loud voices came from deep inside of me causing my body to jump up und twitch. I couldn't think; I felt like a baby just born into the world and who couldn't do anything but cry. The longer I screamed the more it seemed to please the baby until my crying transformed into a form of singing and stopped itself.

The whole thing lasted at the most five minutes. What happened to me? I simply had to laugh, I felt so good afterwards. I didn't think about how much my girlfriend hurt me. All at once I became aware that I could only feel hurt through the pain that I had suffered since my childhood. Now that I let it out, there were no more wounds that could be opened up. The biggest change was in my breathing, which fell into my stomach, and my voice, which was stronger and more confident. When I went outside, I could see everything so clearly, whereas previously I needed glasses.

When Sonja came back that evening, she noticed something different about me. I told her enthusiastically what I had tried. And I did it a second time for her. I lied down on the bed, and started to call for my father and mother. And again came the same feeling: I believed I was a baby who could do nothing but cry and that crying was fun. Finally I couldn't distinguish whether it was singing or crying. Sonja praised me afterwards and said that I never sung so freely and beautifully. Surely I had made her curious about my experience because she wanted to try it as well.

So one evening we went to a waterfall on the Isar river, where the rushing water swallows one's voices and where we didn't need to be embarrassed to cry out. On this rainy evening we were completely alone. Sonja walked a short distance from me, she apperently didn't want me to be with her. I was curious to see how it would go with her. I observed from a short distance, how she sat on the shore and began to cry for her mother. She shouted with such a high voice that I had never heard from her before.
Now a strange feeling overcame me to cry for my father and mother as well. But this time it was different than the first two times: I stood with uplifted hands and unintentionally bent myself backwards very slowly and steadily. It lasted a few minutes until I noticed Sonja standing beside to me. She said it didn't exactly work right with her and that she has to try it again, because she could not call for her father.

During the night I awoke from the following dream:

I race down the stairs, skipping several steps. I crash into some pictures that are hanging on the wall. Coincidentally something falls down. The picture is of an old woman shining a lantern on a unique animal. I have never seen such an animal before. It appears green and male and I ask myself where the female counterpart is. Suddenly, I see a book that someone haphazardly threw away. I quickly open and close it. It is the Bible with a red cover. A red book of Psalms is nearby. The old woman says "It is the Bible."
Again, my vision is drawn to something. This time it is two chapels standing on a hill. She opens one of the chapels, and inside is a gold men's watch. She hands me the watch as if I naturally should receive it. Then she opens the other chapel, which contains a woman's watch. Then I see needles sticking in a small piece of cloth; beautiful needles. I think, I could use one of them and take one for myself. The woman is annoyed that I took one, and grabs some for herself too.

Before the primal scream I always tried to fulfill her wishes. I didn't recognize that I was lying to myself when I wanted to do her a favor. I will never be the other person. Therefore, I can express my own feelings and what is good for me. The dream tells me that I shouldn't put myself in a woman's position because then I would be denying my own male character that belongs to me and my destiny. Therefore the old woman gets angry when I want to adopt a character that doesn't belong to me, namely the feminine part.

The Discovering of Religion

I tried the primal scream over and over again. I wanted to know, why there can be a change of my breath just by calling to Father and Mother.
I found the answer in religion and in my dreams. The dreams were the keys to understanding the bible in a way I never expected.
The "self" is the center. It is the heart and conscience. If I understand myself then I understand my parents and grand-parents. And if I believe in myself then I can believe in Jesus, Buddha and God. Thus, it is impossible to believe in God or Jesus and not in myself.

In a remote valley in the mountains (Steinebachtal near Bad Tölz) I went to waterfalls, where I tried the primal scream again and again. Under any circumstances, I wanted to know why crying out to father and mother changed my breathing.
Sometimes I stayed overnight in a barn at a small meadow. I counted my breaths: eight per minute. I consciously tried to breathe more slowly until I needed fifteen seconds to inhale and fifteen seconds to exhale. As it got colder I moved into the back of the barn where the hay protected me from the cold. Here I tried again and again to call out for my father and mother. I got no reaction any more. Finally I simply tried out all the words that came to me: Daddy, mommy, man, God, devil, I, fuck, heart, ... Of these words, I was most fascinated by the »I« and it was fun for me to go to the front of the barn and to fling gruesome, loud cries from deep within myself into the night skies: "I! - I!". Then I switched to "I am me! - I am me!" I repeated it several times, as if I were the only person in the world. The whole thing gave me a new confidence which I, until now, I didn't recognize. This new confidence was accomponied by several new insights.

Earlier, I liked my mother better than my father, because I thought she was more understanding and practical. I was proud of her, but not of my father, who seemed to be responsible for punishments and other unpleasant duties. Now my admiration of my mother has fallen to pieces. It was incomprehensible to me when my mother talked badly about my father. How did these condescending remarks fit in with her Christian belief?
If I say something bad about someone else, then actually it's me who is bad, because these bad thoughts come from within me. Even if we are harmed by someone, hate is an element in itself, which is not connected with another person.
The calling for the self (»I«) made me realize that everything stems from one's own heart and mind. I can love myself if I follow my own mind. And I can only love others when I love myself.
How can someone believe in God, but not in himself? That is impossible. Only when I believe in myself, can I then believe in my father, my grandfather, my ancestors and finally in God.

The call for the own self (»I«) was the recognition of the First Commandment "I am the Lord your God, you shall have no other Gods than me". Every person is a God; this is the message of the First Commandment. It calls for believing in oneself; for the following of one's own mind. Similarly, Jesus says the same with the sentence: "I am the way, the truth and the life", namely the one can only discover Jesus in oneself.
I have reached God through the primal scream. He exists only in one's heart and cannot be found outside oneself through theoretical thinking. The moment in which I called to my parents was as if I were calling to God the heavenly father: "Everyone who calls the name of Jaweh will be saved" (Joel 3.5).

In a Buddist Temple

Who believes in himself knows his own heart. The life is loneliness. At the beginning we don't like to recognize it and we keep ourself busy with hobbys, study and work
I wanted to escape the life in a buddist temple in Korea, but I just came closer towards the fundamental human needs, namely food and sex.

Songkwang-sa is one of the last temples in Korea that still teach a real Zen meditation. Zen literally means "to sit", sitting and meditating.
The tempel is built like a typical farmhouse: each single building stands on a rock foundation and the curved roof protects the exposed parts of the foundation against rain. The most interesting building is the main hall. Red-coloured wooden pillars carry the roof, which is made of several layers of beams, with the outside walls decorated with pictures. They show us different stages of development: the first picture shows man discovering an ox - a symbol of the self; the ox becomes lighter and lighter in colour until he is completely white - the man has totally discovered himself. In the next picture he rides on the back of the ox - he has learned to follow himself; then another picture, in which the ox is not present any more - man threw away his "self", or "I". The final picture contains only a circle - all contradictions are gone, there is no "you" and "me", "we" and "them" any more - man has entered paradise.

I spent three months as a Buddist monk in this temple.
Three o'clock in the morning we were woken up by a morning chanting accomponied by the rhythmic beating of the woodclappers (Mogthak). We prepared for the first morning service, which started at four o'clock.
When we entered the temple hall we lightly bowed with raised folded hands and gathered in several rows. The chanting of the prayers accomponied by the beating of the woodclappers (Mogtak) left no room for digression of thoughts. Each time the gong sounded, we bowed gracefully to the floor, neither too slowly nor too quickly. As we stood next to each other in a row, the monks on the ends wanted to change the direction of the bowing towards the statue of Buddha. But it was clear to them that the direction was not important, because Buddha exists in their own hearts, not in a wooden statue. Buddha resembles a sun which radiates out of one's heart once the clouds of ignorance have disappeared. Every temple is a symbol of one's own heart or of what exists there, namely God.

After the morning ceremony we had to bow behind the main temple, specifically in front of the steeple of the most recently enlightened monk. This monk was actually a judge by profession who, after unrightfully sentencing someone to death, gave up his profession and became a monk. From then on he meditated in the temple where he voluntarily locked himself up, receiving his food through a small window. A steeple is only built for a dead monk only if stones remain after cremation, thus proving his holiness. (The monks think that the stones came from the head or the testicles, because a saint had no sexual interaction.)

The special holiday in the temple took place every fourteen days, each time there was a full moon and a new moon. On this days we ate more than the usual radish soup and the daily kim-chee. The rice was steamed and mixed with peanuts, raisins, dates and sesame oil, the taste of soups, vegetables and tofu was enhanced with wild sesame and a mushroom sauce and the traditional rice cakes were baked.
Once a while, in addition to the fourteen-day cycle, there were festival days, on which not only the food was good, but we foreigners were allowed to speak with the most prominent monk, Ku-san-sunim (Nine-mountains-monk). On this occasion, we dressed in our best clothes. After the bowing to show honour he gave lessons. Some of us asked him questions about meditation. But what he seemed say repeatedly was the following: "You should think about what the heart is, and during the meditation think only about feelings and perceptions that come from the heart". Nobody asked why he should only think about the heart - now it would be too late to ask him, because he has passed away in Dec, 1983.

Most of the monks had previously led secular lives. Some of them had been married. One had worked as a tennis instructor and had had hundreds of girlfriends. Another had lived earlier in the mountains like an animal, surviving from pine needles, which he crushed in a mortar before his meals. One monk threw his weapon away during his military duty, for which he was imprisoned; he showed me scars from the mistreatment he had suffered there. There were even monks who entered the temple during their childhood and perhaps regretted never having touched a woman.

A few monks advised me not to stay in the temple in order to learn more in the society and get married. One monk even suggested that I should believe in Jesus, not in Buddha.
At that time Buddhism was for me the religion of eating, through which the strict life in the temple, the desire to eat, and the longing for women was repressed. I took the monks advice and returned to society.


I concentrated myself again on learning the language and took a course at the Seoul University.
Several times I met Myong-Hi who helped me to read out loud from my language book to me sentence by sentence, so I could practice the pronunciation. She was in the 12th grade and wanted to be a journalist. Her parents would have liked it better if she had chosen medicine. She was almost as large as I was and had a pretty face. What attracted me even more were here narrow, black eyes, through which she always intently looked at me. There was no motion in her eyes. She once gave me a poem, in which she expressed her desire to be a stone, so that her feelings could never get hurt. And then we met for the first time, in the evening, at the entrance to a university near where she lived. It was already getting dark as we took the path to the sports stadium. Our bodies seemed to coincidentally touch, and as we walked down the steps, I took her hands. But in the next moment, I let them go. I felt I was being watched, or was I just unsure of whether or not I did the right thing? Who could be watching us in the dark? I overcame my shyness, grabbed her hands again, and pulled her body towards me.

I am in the room with my older brother. My gaze remains on the window, which collects the light in a way that forms a cross. Suddenly a dog comes to my side and will not go away. I try to chase him away; I hit him. But it is no use. Then I take a bottle to try to kill him. But the window with the light irritates me. With full force, I throw the bottle at it, so that the glass shatters. In the same moment I have the feeling that all the windows in the room will shatter, because the broken pieces are pattering down. My brother stares at me. I am shocked at what I have done.

I had this dream one day before Myong-hi visited me at home. All the other students had gone to their lectures. And it was like a moment we had long awaited - alone in a room. Greedily, we hugged one another, and she led my hands to her small, beautiful breasts, which I touched over and over. We lay peacefully upon one another. I sensed how her breathing lowered from her chest into her stomach. As I stroked my hand over her jeans, she lost all her inhibitions. She told me that I could do what I wanted. I stripped off her jeans, and my mouth kissed her everywhere I liked. I could not fulfill her last wish that I put my penis into her, because I was afraid of the possible consequences. Although she lay there motionless, I sensed the twitching of her climax.
Then I seemed to become unconscious - and again it screamed out of me - the animal that I had already experienced in the dream and during the primal scream: "Uuaaaahh!" and with that came my ejaculation. Afterwards my voice changed into the voice of absolute self-assuredness, cold as ice, which ordered Myong-hi to leave the room. I became filled with disgust, because my heart could not decide to marry her.

I come to a fenced-in piece of land on a moutainside. It is in the woods. A creature with the face of a bear comes towards me. Although the face is that of a bear, the eyes are the asian eyes of an old man. He has a long rod in his hand, with which he wards me off. Earlier, this piece of land was a beautiful garden. I am not allowed in. For the first time, I am shocked by the creature that is half person, half animal. It has a helper with it. I have to go around the land on the outside.

I dreamt this after I was with a prostitute. A creature appeared stronger than me, and represented my own conscience. It doesn't allow me to go to a strange woman because the fruits which I want to enjoy are not meant for me.

There are many prostitutes in Korea who often first go astray after the breakup of a long relationship. It perhaps begins with the girl working as a waitress in one of the countless cafe's, moreso when she serves as a hostess in one of the drinking houses and »eats up« the men who she likes, until she finally gives in to the sweet addiction and makes herself available to every man. The customer gets so spoiled, as if he were her husband, who could be dead the next minute.
Why couldn't I wait long enough to find a wife who would do that for me? Did I feel somewhat drawn to their pretty faces? Possible - but it was surely more my loneliness, which I sought to fill. The loneliness and sadness was actually a form of inner emptiness which came about at the time of my primal scream experiments and became stronger ever since I lived alone. I had merely tried to allow myself to be distracted, so that I would not feel this emptiness. It was filled by eating and studying. I missed no opportunity to improve my Korean.

Now as I write these lines it is money that distracts me from this inner emptiness. We think when we get rich we can lean back and calm down, but the opposite happens. Money is like opium that occupies our thoughts all the time.

The Immortality

God multiplied himself through all human being. To believe in myself is the condition of a belief in God. The "self" is the center. This is the truth, and every other philosophy is a lie. I am the way, the truth, and the life. This sentence of Jesus is true. The "self" is one's own heart and conscience. The stronger the "self" gets, the more it will disappear. When the "self" no longer exists, then there is also nothing left to die. This is the immortality. It is a destruction of the dualism with no difference in "I" and the "other", in good and bad, in life and death. It will end up in the nothingness that includes knowing everything.

I arrived at the youth hostel near the temple. Nobody except Tim, the American and two girls were there. Tim was kind of a flipped-out guy with drug experience. He was interested in nothing else but meditating with a brass bowl that he got in Thailand. When he circled the rim of the bowl with a wood-piece, a very unusual and unique tone filled the room. During the meditation, one produces such a tone through the circling of the bowl, only this one tone, and thinks about what the voice of God is. It just can be one tone, because in the voice of God there is no duality. There can be no words, no mixture of high and low sounds. Tim, who once meditated in this fashion near the temple, had the impulse to go to the main temple and immediately discovered the bell-shaped, gigantic tone bowl in which Chinese tourists threw their money. It was like his destiny that he started to circle the rim with the wood mallet. The dull rumbling rang throughout the temple and the area surrounding it. This continued on until a group of observers formed, and his further meditation was interrupted by someone.

In another temple, half of the room was split off for the office and the sales counter. One was almost forced to set himself in front of the statue of Buddha in order to get the vegetarian meal. I stood there when suddenly, Tim came in. Almost absentmindedly, thinking of nothing, I said to him (in German) "we still have to wait a few minutes, until someone comes to the counter..." I wanted to keep talking, as Tim cut me off, waving his arms as if something had hurt his ears. Then we had to laugh, because something impossible happened: Tim, who also thought about nothing, just as I did, and never learned a word of German, could understand everything until he realized that I spoke in German. Then, the same unique atmosphere arose for a moment and I started again to speak German, but this time he noticed it immediately and screamed: "Stop it! Stop it!"

We intend, through the accumulation of information, to always know more and more. It really is that in the moment in which one knows nothing, one also knows everything. To know everything naturally also includes the opposite: nothingness. And nothingness does not allow itself to be comprehended by our way of thinking. With our thinking, we can not comprehend nothingness because thinking is only a hallucination of our body, trapped in the system of language and duality. Thinking keeps us from becoming empty; it keeps us from understanding every language of the world, as it was before the Tower of Babylon, where each person understood the language of the another. This ability got lost through the specialization of thought (namely to build the tower).
I can only reach the all-knowing if I first reach the not-thinking (nothingness).

The beginning of this recognition process was the finding of myself, which I needed first in order to become an absolute man so that I could understand the antipole, the woman. I achieve total freedom in exactly the same way with many apparently strict rules, so that I don't abuse my freedom. For example, Jesus was the freeist person, but in fact he only carried out the Will of God. A hundred years ago, saints allowed themselves to be locked up in Buddhist temples for months at a time in order to achieve freedom through the lack of freedom.
And just as well, the fastest movement can only be caught in total relaxation. This relaxation allows us to lose track of time while dreaming because time is connected with movement. When the perception of movement through our sense organs no longer exists, the feeling of how much time has passed is gone.

I find myself on a journey. There I see two people who are climbing into a gigantic hot air balloon for a trip to the heavens. It seems like I am in an amusement park. The giant balloon is spinning. As they climb into the balloon, their fingers extend because of the centrifugal force. Then their bodies extend; they change their shape and expand more and more. They grow into gigantic monsters in the form of snakes. They begin to glow. I am an observer and would like to get closer, but there is a border which encloses the entire thing like a sphere. In the next moment the lights of the snakes and monsters fade, the whole thing falls together like a hissing ballon whose air is escaping.

In this moment I woke up and sensed that I exhaled with the falling together of the monster.
In this dream I have observered one single breath, since the dream begins with the inhaling and ends with the exhaling. The dream shows me that life consists of many breaths, and every inhale means life, every exhale, death. Mathematically expressed: Life is a function depending on the breath, the size of the breath being adjustable. That means, that the longer each breath is the longer the life lasts. Animals who breathe slowly live longer than those who breathe quickly. This is how we can explain how people like Adam or Noah could be one thousand years old.

I have a stiff penis, and it has been stiff for a while. I'd like to touch it, in order to ejaculate. But my inner voice and the memory from an earlier dream, as well as the fact that I have many observers keeps me from doing so. Suddenly I see a woman who guards a snake at a small, circular pool. She has the snake in her hands. She holds it forward on her mouth so she can't bite. She asks me if I want the snake. I answer with a yes. But I don't want the snake from her hands, because I don't know whether she wants to decieve me, in order to let me be bitten by the snake. I back away from her, not letting her out of my view, until I come to another small pool. I think to myself that maybe there is a snake here too, but I can't find one. As I stand with my feet in the water and consider how I can grab the snake without getting bitten, she suddenly throws the snake at me. In that moment a crazy light comes out of my body and I recognize that what happened until now occurred in the dark. The light has such a power that the snake gets thrown back. It's a light like I've never seen before.

In this dream I came to realize that in reality it is dark when we think it is light outside, and we can see everything. We have the same eyes like an animal, with which we see only what stands before us; we can't see through matter. We actually live in the animal world, in which we seek bodily satisfaction every day. Our intellect helps us to reach this goal in the most easiest way possible.
Also, when a person assumes that he is above the animals, he is in reality actually beneath them because we have already forgotten that an above can only exist when there is also a beneath. Actually, God placed Adam and Eve above the animals before the Fall. Afterwards they had to die just like the animals did. "Because on the day on which you eat, you must surely die (Gen.2:17)." Man has fallen to the animal kingdom and has received an animal-like body.

Science has proven that man has evolved from animals, because we have become similar to the animal. If you follow the levels of development further and further back you will see that the earth is really the mother of life. The opposite - heaven, or paradise - must be a place which is free from all opposites, the so-called duality, a place of perfect harmony.
Duality is characterized by such relationship as minus to plus, under to over, future to the past, passiveness to activity, bliss to suffering, death to life, and so on. When duality disappears, past and future disappear. This would mean that time disappears. Proximity and distance would disappear, which means one could look through the entire universe. Then finally, all of our languages would disappear because they cannot exist without our duality.

The dream tells me that duality dissolves if a light goes out from one's own heart - a light that is stronger than the sun, letting day and night disappear. This light doesn't allow Adam and Eve to be recognized as having been naked. In this dream it could only be reached by giving up sexual activities.

The more people who become aware of this idea, the more probable it is that the age of duality leans towards its end. In a book by Enoch (Secrets of Enoch), it is predicted: "If the visible as well as the invisible creatures as God created them come to an end, then everyone has to go to judgement and time will become useless. There will be neither years nor days nor hours, because they will melt together so that they can no longer be counted." That is only possible if past and future disappear, when duality (which came about through Adam and Eve) disappears. Then the difference between man and woman also disappears: "Because when they arise from the dead, they do not marry, instead they are like angels in heaven" (Mark 12:25).

I see a dinosaur in a pond-like body of water. It is under a layer of ice. But its head is sticking out in front. I am surprised to see such an animal; I thought they were long extinct. I gather up my courage and go to the edge, and as the head sticks out a little, I touch him on the mouth. As I do so, I get an electical shock, and a vague, flat mark remains on my finger. I show it to other people. Then I turn back to the dinosaur. I see how its heart beats; thirty times a minute. I tell him that he will probably live very long with so few heartbeats. He says he will only live one more month, then he will be dead. I am shocked and ask him why he would only live one more month. He said that that he already knows everything, and one must die when one knows everything.

In my earlier dreams I encountered many animals, such as cows, elephants, a tiger, gorillas, a kingfisher, snakes, and others. I encounter a prehistoric animal telling me that the more one understands life, the less he has the will to live. To understand life means to have the same knowledge that proverbs contain and that allows us to understand all religions. Each religion is the way to one's own heart, from which all thinking stems. Religion is the aid in uncovering the veil of the own self, in finding harmony - the harmony that cannot be expressed in words, the harmony that brings us back to paradise and dissolves all opposites. When I speak of harmony, the word is perhaps false because it can only exist with its opposite: disharmony. When I say false, it is correct at the same time because paradise is the third heaven which lies between depravity and moral correctness, and which can not be described in our words (Apostle Paul 2, Corinthians 12:2). So on the other hand, hell has to depict the most extreme duality,in which can be felt the greatest heat, cold, hate, fear, darkness, etc.

In the sky I see a bus, or two buses connected to one another. They appear in the night sky and they race at great speeds. Those who see the whole thing do not want to believe what they've seen because it is something horrible. The door is opened; I am the only one who goes inside. To my surprise, there are only girls, but I am not sexually attracted to them. Then the train begins to move, and I think to myself that lots of people (earthlings) will see us. We simply drive through the houses that stand before us. Then another person enters - it is the head of our language institute. He has a briefcase with him. We tell him he must leave it outside because it is not necessary here. He wants get money and goes outside again. The girl asks if everything is ready for departure. I fear he will miss the train.

The dream tells me that I must renounce everything in the deciding moment. It is death that makes everything we consider important in life meaningless. When thoughts get tied up in money, the thought of death can free me from them - it gives the power to live.
When I am dead and can no longer perceive matter, the planet earth and the universe will have dissolved for me. In this view, every person is a God by whose birth the world is born, and by whose death it ceases to exist. Life is a game in this time span, during which one slips into a role: One plays the role of his profession, his gender, and even the character role that results from his behavior around his friends.

I see to my father as he lay dying. He prepares himself. He has calculated how much time one has in life to prepare for his death. It turns out to be a whole twenty minutes of his neverending life. But there were always the Sunday morning trips to church... actually... I observe how three horizontal folds form on his forehead. It expresses his fear of death. I can sense it, and groan a little. My father now measures his pulse. His pulse is only thirty beats per minute, and he knows that it is time: now he must die. In this moment I make no efforts to conceal what I am thinking. I say loudly: "The ego with his body doesn't exist in reality, it was an illusion, and you believed in it your whole life." He immediately understands me, and he makes heavy movements in order to express that it is that exactly, and passes away.

This dream shows me what immortality means: namely that the ego actually never existed. The path to the own self, the recognation of the own self, leads to the dissolving of the own self. In this context Jesus' logical way of thinking becomes understandable - he can have no sympathy for people who harm others and who don't want to convert. Because they do not recognize that by harming others they are harming themselves. They believe in the independence of the ego. Surely, the biggest trial for them is mentioned in the Bible and other religious books. For lack of realization and pride, they wander around outside the center, where the distance from one's fellow man gets larger, while the distance between all people who possess the realization of their own hearts is short and always decreasing. The closer one gets to God and to himself, until the ego and individuality dissolves, there is no longer an individual soul.
The creation of an immortal, personal soul was a creation of lies, because the devil already said to Eve, "You shall not die if you enjoy the fruits of duality." Man clings to the idea that there is something immortal in him. The soul is not what is immortal, rather, the teachings of Jesus, which I have explained, lead to immortality. The disintegration of the ego is the fruit of the second tree in paradise - the tree of eternal life (tree of the distruction of the dualism).

The End of the World

In a dream I saw the exact time of the apocalypse. When the population of the earth reaches seven billion (7 000 000 000), then the end of the world will come.

I begin reading a book. Some tell me that is is forbidden because it is a book about black magic. But I answer that I would rather die than not read the book, even if I were afraid of its content. But what should I be afraid of? The title reminds me of "The Book of the Law" (by Aleister Crowley) and of "The Magic System of Golden Dawn" (by Israel Regardie). I read the first page. It begins with when the time has come, there is neither a forwards nor a backwards. And now the time has come and there will be a nuclear war. I see how the globe is covered with clouds all around, caused by a nuclear war.
I am shocked; I want to know exactly when it will be. But instead of a specific year, I see a scale with numbers. With the help of a specific multiplier, the exact time can be calculated. It is the exact moment of the return of Jesus. The calculation seems too complicated to me - I can't do it. Now the numbers on the scale are moving as if they were on a slot machine. Lots of zeros appear. The first number is stuck on seven. Next to it I count nine zeros. I know all at once, that this all is going to happen when the population of the earth reaches seven billion - then Jesus will come.

The dream tells me that the history of man has reached its end and now the world faces nuclear war. Nobody wants one, but it will come anyway because there is no going back to the past without atomic weapons. War could also be necessary for the goal of God. Because shouldn't God, who duplicated himself in all people, use a last war as a solution to all problems? The first time the world was destroyed by water; the second time it has to be the opposite: fire. Only a partial destruction can take place, because the beginning of a new age, the return of Jesus, would be pointless without people.

With the fall of communism many thought that the danger of nuclear war had receded. But something else happened - the disintegration sped up the spread of atomic weapons that could be secretly stored in various places. Strong governments of the former Soviet States could prevent that. The States would also be necessary for building up the economy, which would have to include the small farmers. One would only need to orient oneself with the development of some far- eastern lands. They protected their market for so long, until it became competitive so that the hard-earned value of currency would not be destroyed in foreign countries. Free travel and trade had to be limited. But which countries want something like an Iron Curtain again?

More dangerous than an economic imbalance is the hate that forms when old traditions and morals are lost due to western influence.

The dream has still another meaning: namely that Jesus' return is comparable to the shock of an atomic war. He said himself that when the sea is full of fish, in other words when the earth becomes overpopulated, the net will be pulled onto the land. Then everyone gets what they paid for.

Progress = Regression

We are living in the world of dualism. If we win something on one side, then we will lose something on the other side. Many people believe in the development of human being. I am convinced of a regress.
Just a few people believe the words in the bible, that the first generation of human being could live several hundreds of years. Nobody will believe, that the human brain could have understood any kind of language.
I believe every impossibility is possible.

I have quoted the Bible, not because I assumed it to be right from the beginning, but because of the opposite, because my available thoughts were confirmed and because it gave me the belief in the absolute correctness of my thoughts.

The development of the human race is like a tree that keeps branching out. The single branches became thinner than the original trunk. Man's genes have become specialized - a marriage within the family has become impossible. I believe in the story of Adam and Eve because the traditional bowing to the ancestors throughout the history of humanity could just have been started with the death of Adam and not with development from the monkey.
I am convinced that the human race did not develop further. Instead, I believe that it has taken a step backwards. Through the origin of duality, immortality was lost through the changing of breathing, the long lifespan. Immortality was further lost through the creation of culture (Tower of Babel) the brain became specialized and lost the ability to understand other languages. The step backwards goes further past the Middle Ages and early history. The age of enlightenment was actually a period darkening because the ways of thinking of the »unexplained« were not understood. Man set his midpoint further towards the outside as the sun replaced the earth as the center of the universe. (Now countless earths and suns exist in space, therefore the center has dissolved and has to return again to the individual.)
The step backwards continues into the present time, in which the emancipation of the woman was propagated, and society became more numb. The denial of feeling goes so far that more and more people go around naked without being addressed in a sexual manner.

In the Bible, the book of Daniel, the Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar sees the progressive reduction in the quality of the empires that were to come after him: from his golden empire to a silver one, to copper up until the last: an empire of a mixture of iron and clay. Then he sees how the empires are shattered and the son of God returns.
I think the collapse of the industrial nations is only possible as a result of a nuclear war. Another solution would be if every person followed his conscience. However the human race is further away than ever before. What remains is my longing for the destruction of this age and the beginning of another, new age.

About my WEB-page

The experiences are completely true. My book, "Das Herz des Unsterblichen" (The Heart of the Immortal, 94 pages, published Dec. 1994) was the basis for this WEB-page. It is written only in German language. The price is 10 US Dollar (incl. postage).


Leonhard Hartmann
Lilienstr. 77
81669 München
E-mail: because of spam as image

First published in the internet: March1998
Last update of the WEB-page: Dec. 2006
The whole WEB-document validates according the standard »XHTML 1.0« of the World Wide Web Consortium (W3C).